How to Understand and Comfort a Person in Grief

How to Understand and Comfort a Person in Grief

Here is some information which may be useful if you are wanting to assist family or friends going through trauma or grief of any kind.   It may provide some helpful insights for both believers or non- believers.

1. What is Trauma?

Trauma stems from an unusually challenging event that has the potential to create significant human distress and can overwhelm one’s usual coping mechanisms.

2. Expected Emotions

  • Numbness
  • Feeling detached or overwhelmed
  • Distressing vivid memories
  • Uncontrollable crying
  • Sleep related difficulties
  • Easily startled
  • Reliance on alcohol or drugs
  • Isolation, fatigue or lack of motivation
  • Feelings of guilt or hopelessness

The above are normal reactions to abnormal situations.  It’s not because the person is weak or are not dealing with the situation well.   These emotions are not controllable.  If we are aware of this reality it will help us serve grieving people better. 

3. Trauma leads to grief

Grief is intense emotional suffering.  Grief is like a fingerprint – each case is unique .  Every person experiences it differently.

4. Contributors to Grief

a) Material Loss   business loss,  stock market crash,  theft,  losing something valuable.

b) Relationship Loss eg. death of loved one,  relationship breakup – inability to touch, love or talk to that person anymore

c) Identity Loss (self image, purpose,  hope)  in losing a high position

d) Functional Loss (mental, physical )  disability from a car accident

e)  Role Loss (position or social order) mother when children leave home,  losing management job

f)  Systemic Loss (residence, work, community) eg. moving cities or countries.

5. Kubler-Ross – Stages of Grief     –  devised by a lady of this name

1.     Shock & Denial                                          
2.     Anger
3.     Depression
4.     Dialogue & Bargaining
5.     Acceptance

Stages of Grief – do not necessarily follow a particular order.  They may not all occur and some stages may re occur.  There may be more intensity of certain stages and almost none of others.

Loops  – show that there can be set backs

The Graphic is not an exact formula for everyone.   It should be renamed more correctly as “Possible Phases of Grief instead of Stages.